The Bikini Battle and Other Adventures!
Updated: Jun 12, 2021
We had been meaning to get the paddling pool out for the last few days to escape from the sauna like weather! Today, at lunch time, we succeeded!
Unfortunately, I then made the mistake of leaving the kitchen door open during “quiet time,” which allowed my daughter to see the pool. Like a Jack in the Box, she kept popping up to look at the pool, she was itching to get in it. The words, "Wow! Paddling Pool," danced in the air, so “quiet time” at this point, was dead in the water, however, I soldiered on, in the hope that she would have a few more minutes of rest. Once again, I was delusional! To her credit, each time I asked her to lie down and rest, she did, although, this was of little consolation as it was like a game of “Whack a Mole,” she would pop up again a minute later, peering over the gate or peering over the sofa to see the pool. Once I realised it was pointless to continue with quiet time, I conceded defeat.
The next battle was the nappy change. She would not come voluntarily, which meant I had to move like a ninja towards her. Luckily, once I picked her up, lay her on her changing mat and gave her a dummy, the resistance soon ended as she was keen to get outside.
My next mistake was trying to put last year's bikini on her. My daughter hates putting clothes on at the best of times, so after several attempts of trying to get her top on, I abandoned ship and tried to put the new one on. However, she had decided that she had to help put it on, impatiently, consequently, her arms were not going in the correct holes and the top was getting caught up, which infuriated her. This resulted in screaming, crying and throwing herself on the floor. By now the neighbours would surely conclude that we were indeed serial killers, the police were probably on their way! After a period of indifference, I managed to encourage her to retry, but again, she insisted on helping and once again became frustrated that she could not get the top on. The noise level resembled a Tarantino film! Deja vu. It was a case of third time lucky. By a wing and a prayer, all limbs were present and correct, and everything was the way it was supposed to be. More importantly, we were both still in one piece and the police had not yet knocked on the door.
However, then I committed a third strike, I was out, or so I thought. I had dared to try and take her socks off to put her water shoes on. Cries of "my socks, my socks," rang out. Tears cascaded. I had lost this battle before I had even started. It was clear that they were not coming off. “Choose your battles wisely” a wise man had once said. Did it really matter if her socks were still on? It didn't look attractive, but at two years old, did that matter? So, they stayed on.
Then came the dreaded sun lotion battle. However, I was pleasantly surprised when overall it was less like a scene from “Kill Bill.” Firstly, I made sure all escape routes were blocked, then I cornered her by the patio doors and begun to apply lotion to her legs. I encouraged her to help to rub it in as she likes to rub in creams, and I gave lots of praise. I normally start with her face, but she seems to hate cream on her face the most. I realised this could be the trigger that leads to a war, so by starting elsewhere, I could hopefully get the sun cream on with less of a battle. We then progressed to the arms, and again she enjoyed helping. This left her face until last, which I was dreading, she did however help to rub it in a bit, but it was like trying to apply cream to an eel. There were of course some objections, but they were more contained and short-lived. I took this as a win! Although, I suspect this was to lull me into a false sense of security…
I opened the doors; it was like the starting gates opening at a horse race. She tore off like a bat out of hell and jumped straight into the pool, splashing and giggling. I was surprised at how brave she was, as the water was cold!
She even lay in it!
She enjoyed filling up her buckets and watering cans with water and watering the grass and flowers.
My eyes closed, I was enjoying the feel of the sun on my face while I listened to the birds singing and my daughter playing, a rare few minutes of relaxation. It was heaven! How naive was I? Had the last two years taught me nothing?
Chaos was about to begin…
It started with the return of “Potty Gate.” I mentioned that if she needed a wee or a poo, to tell me and she could sit on the potty. Her answer to this was to pick the potty up and to throw it into the paddling pool. It was then used as bucket to water herself, the grass and plants. So, you can see the progress we have made in this area!
She then took great delight in having a wee in the pool! This was particularly gross when she decided to drink from the pool like a horse and to then spit the water out like a whale whilst cackling.
She then ate her ice-cream in the pool, although her face wore most of it whilst she devoured it. I have never seen her polish off anything as quickly as this before. She dropped it a couple of times in the pool but still ate it. Wee and ice-cream! Yum!
When she was out of the water collecting things to put into the pool, she overbalanced and fell into the pool, water flew everywhere, she thought this was hysterical. “That was funny,” she cried, and it was, we both laughed, although, she did then insist on trying to recreate this dive into the pool, multiple times, which she thought was funny. Luckily, whilst there was still some water left in the pool, and before she hurt herself, she got bored of this and continued to hunt for pool toys.
Next came towel gate. I brought her “Hey Duggee Poncho Towel” out to dry her off when she was ready. I placed it on a chair, which she made a beeline for and grabbed it. I managed to stop it being thrown in the water initially, but I was not quick enough a second time, so her “Hey Duggee" towel was in the pool. She of course had to wear the wet towel in the pool! She then sat down and took one shoe and sock off. I explained why I needed to put her shoe back on but she was adamant the shoe was not going back on.
There were then multiple attempts to empty the pool, by trying to tip it over, spilling a lot of the water, which resulted in a warning that we would be returning in doors if there were any further attempts.
Then the inevitable happened, she ran indoors with only one shoe on, with her “Duggee” towel on her, dripping everywhere. I tried to help her out without either of us slipping over, but she slipped with one leg under her. The heavens opened and the dummy was requested. I took her outside, cuddled her, stroked her head and checked out her leg. The leg seemed fine and the crying subsided in a few minutes. Thankfully, dinner and tele time was approaching, this and the fright from the fall resulted in a request to return indoors to her sanctuary. I think the water and the sun had been a little too much for her. At least she would sleep well tonight…we both would!