Updated: Jun 21, 2021
Today I was reminded that doing my daughter's hair was another job that I should be paid danger money for. Brushing her hair was on par to the torture of: nail cutting, potty training, putting her sun cream on and trying to get her clothes on.
The fatal mistake was turning the television off before doing my daughter's hair. When she is transfixed by the television it is one of the safest ways to survive the ordeal. The consequences of this failure were a Usain Bolt Sprint, a game of Hide and Seek under the trampoline and in the tepee, and once temporarily caught, emanating sounds that resembled “The Grudge.” A Limbo dance was needed to avoid the bites and Jujitsu moves. I really should invest in some body armour.
The neighbours would surely be on speed dial to the police to inform them of yet another murder by their serial killer neighbours...They could have written a book about us by now, a best seller.
Houdini should really be her middle name as it was not long before she had evaded permanent capture, and she would not be surrendering any time soon, if ever. At this point I had only managed to brush the underneath of her hair and to remove her top hair band. She was now on the loose, looking like a cave girl. Hide and Seek has resumed along with an Olympic relay and a peal of laughter.
Then a lightbulb dinged, I recalled that one of best ways to get some co-operation was through her own need to do everything herself, allowing her to help would give her the independence she craved and would allow me to remain intact whilst doing her hair. Previously allowing her to put some of her hair detangler on her own hair had been somewhat successful, maybe it would work again? Allowing her to help with her hair had occupied her, it also allowed her to be independent and helpful, and it allowed me to brush it as gently as I could whilst brushing it like my life depended on it. It helped of course that the smell was divine, Blueberries. During this time, I also needed to style it. This technique, allowing her to be independent with some help from me, had recently been used to apply sun cream and had made applying it more easily, so hopefully this trick would work again…
So, I dug out the detangler! It worked, there were giggles galore. She enjoyed helping and the independence of doing it herself once again. Her hair was completed within, I am sure, A Guinness Book of Records, record time!
Other ways that can be effective in brushing her hair without the television hypnosis, include waiting until she is in the pushchair or the car seat, although the push chair can result in decapitation when she brings the hood down on your face at full speed. Again, danger money here would be useful. Luckily, I am not a supermodel…
NOTE TO SELP: DO NOT FORGET TO DO MY DAUGHTER’S HAIR WHEN SHE IS IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION, UNLESS I WANT A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!